Alright Xanga. I am back! I will be double timing until I generate some traffic on WordPress. And Since it's a slow Friday, I think it's a good time for some blogging. Yesterday, I was introduced a term "JESTER." 
My co-workers and I were taking an online quiz: "Are you a metro-sexual?"
Don't ask me how we got into this. But one of the guys, who wears ripped jeans & tshirts to work and answered "I forget to wash behind my ears.", got a result of "JESTER" for his possibility of being a metro-sexual. But for some reason, he wasn't happy with his result, so he showed up wearing a nice black shirt (with a white pair of socks) and told us that he spent 11 minutes grooming himself this morning. So we retook the quiz and he ended up with with the same result: "JESTER." I guess once a jester, you will always be a jester.
This mornig, I get a call from my dad. He sounds pretty excited. He tells me one of the church members is selling a 2004 Honda Pilot for a really really good price. 
This news grabs my attention, because I think Pilot's a decent car and my current car is dying slowly. You gotta understand that I love my accord and I wouldn't mind driving it until she's dead. But this past year, I already put in ~ $3K for a new transmission, broken ball bearings, etc and she already has 185K miles. So I don't know what kind of future financial problems she will grieve me with.
So I was totally willing to jump on this deal. I asked my dad about the Pilot's spec:
- 4 Wheel Drive - Check!
- Moon Roof - Not bad!
- 36,000 miles - Excellent!
- 19 mpg - So so!
- 8 seater - Yes! Can drive more YG kids around! Then I asked him what color it was. My dad says red or burgundy.
I couldn't believe my ears, so I looked it up on the net. 
And i guess it is really red. My superficiality kicked in and the color of the Pilot became the deal breaker.
I think the next car I get will be with me for another 10 years and I just didn't want to drive around a mini fire truck.
So I told my dad, "NO." I give him the real reason and a made up reason that I need a car with a better gas mileage. Then my dad reads me like a book and he tells me that since I am going to be a pastor, I shouldn't really care about the color of the car. Yeah. I think dad is right on this one. But I will stick with my accord for now.
But this little incident reveals a bit of story of my past year. Constantly thinking and struggling about how I am fitting in as a future pastor:
- Am I saying the right things?
- Am I dressing appropriately?
- Am I behaving properly? I think I was at the both ends of the spectrum: "heck with it!" or "become a slave to high expectations."
And either way, I ended up feeling and acting like a Jester Pastor. A pretender. This Sunday, I will be preaching on Philippians 2:12-16 and in these verses, I find my strength & hope. 12 Not that I have already obtained this (KNOWING CHRIST) or am already perfect,
but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
Paul, probably the guy, who has the most cognitive & personal knowledge of Christ, says that He's not fully there, so He will press on to know Christ. This "press on" is a hunting language - to "pursue and capture" or "chase and overtake." So Paul is literally hunting for Christ to make Him his own. This was his life passion and his essence of Christianitiy. But this pursuit is made possible only because Christ has already made Paul His own. Paul was pursuing Christ, but at the same time, he was already caught by Christ. Trying to know a person, who already fully knows you & loves you - I believe this is a situation you just can't fail. So we press on. So, if you see me driving a Red Pilot in the next month. Praise God that I am overcoming my superficiality.
But if you see me driving my old Accord, then Praise God that He still knows and owns me. | 
