jimhandy's Xanga

Katie & Me

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 06:10:05 GMT

(WARNING A MOVIE SPOILER!)
OK. In this tweeting rising and blogging declining time,I decided to write a blog entry (at least try) every week.

Finally, I watched “Marley & Me.” It was much talked about by the Kim family and one of the siblings (Becky/John/Angel/Joe) told me that my senior pastor cried watching the movie (he LOVES animals), so I figured that it would a good emotional ride.

Overall, I was glad to finally understand the bond between man and his canine that seemed so foreign to me.

And through out the entire movie, I just couldn’t help but to think about the pup that I had for 24 hours during my 1st year of seminary. It was a Shiba Inu and I named her “Katie.” YG kids told me that you shouldn’t name a dog’s name that sounded like a real person’s name but I decided to give her that name anyhow – named after my favorite actress. Isn’t she a good looking pup?
But after interacting with a pup for the first 24 hours, I realized that I have no capacity/time/patience to responsibly raise her, so I returned her to the owner. People say that you will treat your kids like how you treat your pets, so this may not be a good sign for my parental side. This is something that I will need to work on later, when I get a new dog or a kid (or which one comes first).

Going back to “Marley & Me,” two things that stuck out for me:
1) “Love suffers long.” This is the KJV’s translation of 1 Cor 13:4 “Love is patient” and for this verse, I prefer it. Through out the movie, I loved the patient suffering that the entire family showed to Marley “the world’s worst dog.”   And the last scene was definitely moving, I think the kids learned an invaluable lesson on love - that every relationship comes to its inevitable/temporary end, yet love is still worth giving and receiving.

2) “We all want a good life.” For some reason, I totally identified myself with John G. The main character in the movie might possibly have everything a man would want in his life, yet his eyes were set another life/career of his friend.   This attitude of “My life will be complete with _______________” is so prevalent in my life and our time.   And the movie ends by sharing a few simple thoughts on dog’s attitude:

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine.

A dog doesn’t care about whether you’re rich or poor, smart or dumb, you give him your heart and he will give you his."

Simple contentment that comes from a simple life.
Unwavering loyalty displayed by to the master’s faithfulness.

No wonder so many people prefer to relate with dogs over people.

Jester Pastor

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:42:06 GMT

Alright Xanga. I am back!

I will be double timing until I generate some traffic on WordPress.

And Since it's a slow Friday, I think it's a good time for some blogging.

Yesterday, I was introduced a term "JESTER."

My co-workers and I were taking an online quiz: "Are you a metro-sexual?"
Don't ask me how we got into this. But one of the guys, who wears ripped jeans & tshirts to work and answered "I forget to wash behind my ears.", got a result of "JESTER" for his possibility of being a metro-sexual. But for some reason, he wasn't happy with his result, so he showed up wearing a nice black shirt (with a white pair of socks) and told us that he spent 11 minutes grooming himself this morning. So we retook the quiz and he ended up with with the same result: "JESTER." I guess once a jester, you will always be a jester.

This mornig, I get a call from my dad. He sounds pretty excited. He tells me one of the church members is selling a 2004 Honda Pilot for a really really good price.

This news grabs my attention, because I think Pilot's a decent car and my current car is dying slowly. You gotta understand that I love my accord and I wouldn't mind driving it until she's dead. But this past year, I already put in ~ $3K for a new transmission, broken ball bearings, etc and she already has 185K miles. So I don't know what kind of future financial problems she will grieve me with.

So I was totally willing to jump on this deal. I asked my dad about the Pilot's spec:
- 4 Wheel Drive - Check!
- Moon Roof - Not bad!
- 36,000 miles - Excellent!
- 19 mpg - So so!
- 8 seater - Yes! Can drive more YG kids around!

Then I asked him what color it was. My dad says red or burgundy.
I couldn't believe my ears, so I looked it up on the net.

And i guess it is really red. My superficiality kicked in and the color of the Pilot became the deal breaker.
I think the next car I get will be with me for another 10 years and I just didn't want to drive around a mini fire truck.

So I told my dad, "NO." I give him the real reason and a made up reason that I need a car with a better gas mileage. Then my dad reads me like a book and he tells me that since I am going to be a pastor, I shouldn't really care about the color of the car.

Yeah. I think dad is right on this one. But I will stick with my accord for now.
But this little incident reveals a bit of story of my past year.

Constantly thinking and struggling about how I am fitting in as a future pastor:
- Am I saying the right things?
- Am I dressing appropriately?
- Am I behaving properly?

I think I was at the both ends of the spectrum: "heck with it!" or "become a slave to high expectations."
And either way, I ended up feeling and acting like a Jester Pastor. A pretender.

This Sunday, I will be preaching on Philippians 2:12-16 and in these verses, I find my strength & hope.

12 Not that I have already obtained this (KNOWING CHRIST) or am already perfect,
but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

Paul, probably the guy, who has the most cognitive & personal knowledge of Christ, says that He's not fully there, so He will press on to know Christ. This "press on" is a hunting language - to "pursue and capture" or "chase and overtake." So Paul is literally hunting for Christ to make Him his own. This was his life passion and his essence of Christianitiy. But this pursuit is made possible only because Christ has already made Paul His own. Paul was pursuing Christ, but at the same time, he was already caught by Christ. Trying to know a person, who already fully knows you & loves you - I believe this is a situation you just can't fail. So we press on.

So, if you see me driving a Red Pilot in the next month. Praise God that I am overcoming my superficiality.
But if you see me driving my old Accord, then Praise God that He still knows and owns me.

Goodbye Xanga but One Last Time...

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 20:39:36 GMT

Dear Xanga,

I have been thinking about our relationship and it seems like things are not working out. Don't you think?
We shared some good times together but things are just not the same.

So why don't we go our separate ways?
You're the last person/thing I want to hurt but I think this is best for both of us.

But before this is all over, can I make one last entry to give a belated birthday shout out to a good friend but a not so clean roommate? I know. It's a selfish request, but it's for a good cause. So...

HAPPY 3? (maybe 40) th BIRTHDAY TO ERIC SOHN! (11/23)

Please wish him a happy belated bday and show some love to this brother!

Two Homes

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:30:13 GMT

You know that feeling, how great it feels to be at home after a long trip?

It was so awesome to be back at CFC - worshiping & getting blessed with my new & old family.
Sorry I couldn't have a long/deep/meaningful talk with everyone, but it was so good to everyone.

The best part of this weekend was seeing our youth guys & gals literally come alive after having back to back revivals (STL Youth Rally & CFC Revival).

Here're some pictures from past two weekends:

STL Youth Rally

[I was getting blessed by Mike Park in this picture, but he later told me he was just sitting down cause his back was hurting. ]

U of I - CFC Revival

Thoughts on youth ministry....

Kids' hearts are so pure & precious.
Some of their hearts are like plants on steroids. You water them a little bit, they grow like crazy.

I learned in seminary that the average age limit for youth pastor is 35 and ESFP makes the ultimate ageless youth pastor. Since I am ENFP, I guess I only have a few more years left in me, but for now, I am loving it.

I do have two concerns:

1) My Junior High Boys - I am pretty sure they're knocking off a few years of my life.
I have to discipline them like they're my own kids. Made one cry this weekend after he repeated & chanted profanities written about Michigan on U of I T-shirts.

2) Growing more immature - I can't believe I am screaming out "Choco Taco"at a truck stop...

Nonetheless, I am very thankful.

In Honor of Mr. Jingles

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:12:18 GMT

My roommates and I noticed a little mouse problem, so I put out a trap for it.
Last Sunday night, mr jingles (we named him) went for the bate (peanut butter covered ramyun noodles & granola pieces) and he was captured.

For the past week, we were considering what to do with him. Here's what each of said:

Sean - Keep him as a pet or set him free in the forest.
Eric - (For some reason he's deathly afraid of rodents) Get that thing away from me!
Me - Give him proper punishment then kill it.

Using some pop psychology, I think here's an explanation of what all this means for us as future fathers:

Sean - Will make a terrific dad. Will give his children wings to fly so that they can enjoy their freedom.
Eric - Will neglect his kids out of personal insecurities.
Me - Will torture his kids - possible abuse.

Anyhow, we (or I) just ended up throwing him away in the dumpster. Rest in peace Mr. Jingles.

On a serious note, STL has been bery bery good to me.
Some highlights so far:

Tearing up in my first preaching class with Bryan Chapell. Covenant seminary has been amazing...
Getting lost and making numerous illegal u-turns for the past month - some St Louis drivers are terrible drivers.
Learning to live on a budget. I miss Dorcas with all of my heart. But moms at our church have been amazing - they're weekly cooking for me, because I am single. They kinda remind me of mamas in Kenya & Ethiopia. I am content in my single hood.
And getting to know my youth group kids. We have 20+ Korean speaking guys, so my broken Korean is utilized to the max. Another observation. High school students are much different than college students. Junior High kids are another species.

My transition has not been a walk in the park, but it's worth every step of the way. I know its cheesy.

Go Big or Go Home or Both

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 03:24:52 GMT

All righty. In light of entering a new phase in life, I decided to come back to XANGA.

Do people still xanga? May I receive some e-love ?!?

This coming fall, I will be moving to St. Loius to attend Covenant Seminary.
It's going to be a big change, but I am so thankful to know that I am led by His hand.

I am also going to drop the game face.
With so many unknowns and uncertainties, my heart is filled with anticipations & uneasiness.
But I guess that's a part of the package deal of this endeavor.

Pictures & Thoughts from F14 Study Session

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 05:07:27 GMT

I think iSight is amazing.

I keep on telling myself to act my age, but it's hard...

I think Kluv is influencing my life.

I think Ben looks Mike Tyson.

Kluv needs more definition in his pale upper arm.

I am not really motivated to update Xanga anymore. Why is that?

I def. lost my first love for blogging.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 14:32:42 GMT

HABARI! Back From Africa

Thank you for your prayers! I've been back for a few weeks, but I had to get used to my life back in America before writing a xanga entry. It was definitely good eating all you can eat wings & galbi, enjoying some good movies, working out again, but I do miss things that you can only get in Africa.

I remember asking past Summer Missions Team members, "How was your trip?" And now I understand what a loaded question it is! If I could summarize my entire trip in one sentence, it is this: "I am forever changed through seeing God's love for the Church." I do love sharing about the trip, so please pull me aside anytime!

Back at the Office

After doing all-day-long ministries in Africa, I definitely feared coming back to my cubicle work life (8 to 5PM - Monday through Friday). I love my job, but I knew that it was going to be a rough transition. And my co-workers made this transition somewhat easy.

My cube was completely quarantined! I finished watching season 3 of 24, before I came back to work, so it was quite interesting.

Within the first week of work, I found out that I am booked on a project until march 2007 implementing a quarter million dollar e-commerce solution to our web modules. Call it a job security or a stressful challenge, it's going to be an interesting last year at work.

Back to Myself

So I don't know if you heard, but there was a point in the trip where I was gaining weight. I just loved Kenyan & Ethiopian food - Jephati, Ugali, Nymachoma, Injera, & Wut! For some time, I was in denial, as my team members were pointing out this truth and my pants were getting super-tight each day. But I guess camera doesn't lie.

I am a fattzo!

But I partially blame SuzyP's amazing cooking. I remember how I couldn't even make a fist (totally bloated) after eating delicious ramyun noodles & drinking its soup for three days in a row. I think Yun looks kinda plump in the background too.

Back to Africa

It's turning out to be another long entry, but I gotta end with one blessing story.
When missionary Lee visited past 2nd semester, he shared about a region in Ethiopia, Dakaya, where 70 people would die each week due to starvation & sickness. So when I learned that Dakaya would be the last destination of our ministry, I didn't know what to expect.

On our way to Dakaya, we passed a bridge construction. Missionary Lee shared that a church from Korea has been supporting this town by building a bridge, constructing water supply system, and providing medical aids. The name of the bridge was called "Bridge of Hope."

When we got to this town, we were warmly greeted by children and town folks. But at the front of the church, I saw a banner and I couldn't believe my eyes. The banner read "JESUS LOVES ETHIOPIA" and a name "SOMANG Church" written on it. This is where God's amazing sovereignty comes into play. My big lesson through out the trip was that Jesus loves His Church and He's going to use His local churches to expand the kingdom of God.

Somang church was a church that I used to attend before I came to America from the motherland. Through their children's ministry, I met God and I grew as His child. I remember reading the entire bible for the first time to win some stupid prize. But nonetheless at that moment, I realized that I am ministering and feeding God's sheep in Africa, only because I've been ministered and fed during my childhood at Somang church. And now in some small rural town in Africa called Dakaya, we were partnering together to build His Church and expand God's kingdom.

This church was definitely not a strategic missions battle ground in some people's eyes, but I know that our team was called to serve there, because God loves His sheep and He desires to expand His kingdom in the hearts of His people too.

I want to share more stories, but I will exercise some self-control. Please pray that my attitude for the missions trip of "living & ministering with no regrets" will continue in the states.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 03:40:44 GMT

Last Night

I had to get some work done, but I couldn’t handle the slothfulness of dial-up connection at my parents’ place, so I drove to a Panera near by. So I am currently mooching off free wireless, while sitting at an outdoor table. It's a beautiful night!

Tomorrow we’re off to SMP in Africa!

Going to a War

In Joshua 5:13-15, on the night of Israelite’s attack to Jericho – a high walled fortress, Joshua is surveying the land one more time. Then he encounters a man with a sword drawn in his hand.

So Joshua asks the stranger:

“Are you for us or for our enemies?”

The stranger replies:

“Neither, but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come.”

Then Joshua falls face flat on the ground in reverence and humility.

Past few months, our team's been preparing for this trip as if we’re going to a war. My prayer has been "Lord go with us!" But past few days, my prayer has been different. I am understanding that it is never a question whether God is on our side but whether we are on God’s side.

So my prayer is simply that “Lord, let us go with you!” The Lord is leading this trip with sword drawn in his hand.

Lost & Found

Maybe it’s my heart motive. I am most moved when my loved ones were either in danger, pain, or agony. I want to go on this trip as if souls of my loved ones are at stake.

Today during our packing session, one of our team members was asked to remove a picture of his/her family from their belonging, because it was not a part of the team equipment list. As I saw he/she pull out his/her family & sg pictures from a bible, I was saddened. But during moment, God was teaching me what it truly means to leave ninety nine sheep behind to go after the one lost sheep (Luke 15:4-7).

This mission trip is not simply about letting go our family, jobs, lives, and etc, but it’s about prioritizing God given moments. Again this trip is about Jesus - fulfilling the wishes that are near the heart of our Lord:

John 10:16: “I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.”

Please pray for this trip :: June 21-July28 :: Kenya-Ethiopia.

BTW, I hope to return to the States with a big fro and heavier, so stay tuned.
See you in 6 weeks!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 20:37:45 GMT

Hustle & Bustle

After the semester ended, I was hoping that my schedule would kind of die down. But past couple of weeks, I've been busy trying to finish up school work, wrap up a big project at work, attend intensive training in Chicago for the beginning of the week, back in Champaign during the weekdays, and etc.

I am definitely thankful for these God-given opportunities and responsibilities, but there's a side to me that just wants to keep things to simple.

This is my D-Day: June 12th.

It will be the date when I will be done with work, school work, & other responsibilities, so that I can solely focus on the upcoming missions trip. In light of P. Min's sermon on balancing work, church, and family life, here is a long update in my life:

Work

This morning, I just deployed a three-month long project to a production environment. It's definitely a big burden off my shoulders. And tomorrow will be my last day at work! Then I will be going on a ~ 9 weeks of leave of absences for SMP.

I just can't help but to be so thankful about how my company has been very supportive of my endeavors - letting me take every Monday/Tuesday off for past 4 weeks so that I could attend intensive training in Chicago, taking random work hours off so that I can attend classes at UTS, etc.

I don't know if I shared this before but the upper management folks of our company are Christians and they have a vision of providing careers for believers (and non-believers) in the C-U area. It's so good to see how God's people are expanding His kingdom in different ways.

Church

Being an older person at our church, I thought that I have experienced a bit of every training CFC could offer. But I am learning that there's nothing like intensive training for SMP. It's very intense. Pushing you to the edge and stretching you to the max! Yet it leaves you hungering for more. It's kinda like eating at a really really good Galbi buffet! BTW, I love WooriMaeul!

Here's a team picture (minus Me & Joshua Chung).

I couldn't honestly asked for a better group of people to grow and to accomplish Kingdom agendas. Supposedly everyone on this team is a "Love-me" except for a few of us. These darn love-me's! Please pray for us that we won't simply get along great, but we'll be unified for a purpose.

Family

Ok. I really don't have an update on family situation so I will write about my roommate - Mike Won. Technically, he belongs to someone else now, but for the sake of this entry, I will consider him as my "family" member. Btw, I am happy for these two.

So I've been spending some quality time with Mike lately - going to the gym together, reading at coffee shops, eating at restaurants and etc. But to be honest, we might be exceeding a healthy “guy to guy spending timeEquota. And this past Saturday, we definitely broke through some natural barriers.

Before I went out for a dinner meeting, Mike asked me to give him ride on my motorcycle. I guess he wanted a ride before I sold it off this summer.

Since I didn't want to be seen driving a full grown man on back of my bike, I just drove him around the neighborhood. But weird thing is that my bike was really sluggish even when I put it in higher gears and giving it full throttle. I was thinking in my head that it's because Mike put on some extra pounds from dating Anne & etc. But after about 5 mins, my bike just died. It turned out that it was out of gas.

We tried to come up with a clever solution to back track ~ 2 miles back to our place, but the best solution that we came up was that I would be on the bike pedaling it "Fred Flintstone" style and Mike would push it from behind (btw, Mike was wearing flip flops. Thanks manE. You could imagine how stupid we looked. One of our neighbors saw us and he laughed at us.

After losing most of our dignity, we bought a 1-gallon gas tank and filled up my bike. At this point, I felt bad for making Mike suffer, so I told him we'll ride to the gas station together to fill up rest of the tank and come back. Another bad choice on my part.

As I was driving faster (around ~ 55 mph), Mike got somewhat worried. He started to scrunching upto me quite closely. I felt somewhat uneasy at this point. But he was holding onto a small leather seat strap for his dear life and I didn't want him to fall off, so I allowed him to share in this intimate moment together. It was def. broke-back...

The worst moment was when we stopped at a stop sign, another bike pulled up next to us. A guy was driving a gf(?) on his sport bike. And a girl on the bike just looked at us and smiled at us. To be honest, I don’t know what was worst: this moment or driving “JamesETank on back of my scooter during college days.

After this day, I lost most of my desires to ride the bike again. It's been defiled with unnatural memories. I guess this helps in my decision to sell off the bike.